Sunday, November 13, 2005

 

'I went frantic, punching him'

Record numbers of men are being hit by their stressed-out wives and girlfriends
'I went frantic, punching him'
By Sophie Goodchild, Chief Reporter
Published: 13 November 2005
For centuries, women have been stereotyped as the passive victims of violence and aggression. Yet experts are now warning that record numbers of men are being physically abused by their stressed- out wives and girlfriends.
New figures show that the number of calls to domestic violence helplines from male victims has more than doubled over the past five years. And now one of the world's leading feminist journals will investigate the issue of male abuse for the first time in its history: the Psychology of Women Quarterly will devote a whole edition to research on violent women and their behaviour towards men.
Until now, domestic violence has been seen by police and ministers as an issue which blights the lives of women rather than men. Their policies are based on Home Office figures, which show that one in four women suffer abuse in the home compared with one in six men.
Incidents such as the arrest earlier this month of Rebekah Wade, the editor of The Sun, after an alleged assault on her husband, EastEnders actor Ross Kemp, are generally treated as trivial and a source of amusement by social watchers. However, experts say that although attacks by men are more common and extreme, there is increasing evidence that women are lashing out and adopting behaviour traditionally associated with men.
This trend is fuelled partly by an increase in binge-drinking and drug- taking among women as well as the pressure of juggling motherhood and career success.
ManKind, an organisation which campaigns for equal rights for men, receives more than a thousand calls a year to its helpline from male victims of domestic violence as well as from doctors worried about patients they suspect are being abused by their girlfriends and wives.
The charity Snap, which runs a gender-neutral helpline, says it receives up to 25 calls a day from battered men. There are only four places in the country which offer shelter to male victims of domestic violence, which men's rights campaigners say is not enough.
"The ones who are the perpetrators are in the caring professions - social workers, nurses, carers," said Anne Harris, a spokeswoman for Snap.
Research to be published next year will also show that more men report being victims of domestic abuse - and fewer women - in countries where there is greater gender equality. Based on an analysis of UN data on gender equality, the study by the University of Central Lancashire will show that more women carry out attacks on their male partners in Western nations such as Britain and the US compared with countries such as Pakistan.
Professor John Archer, an expert on both male and female aggression, who carried out the study, attracted huge controversy with a report five years ago showing that women were likely to lash out more frequently than men during rows. He says that battered men are treated as figures of fun by society and that policymakers must treat domestic abuse against both men and women with equal seriousness.
"There is a strong cultural ethos drummed into men from an early age that it's wrong to retaliate but these attitudes are not drummed into women," said Mr Archer, Professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. "The Rebecca Wade case was treated as a joke which typifies the differences in attitudes. The male victim is seen as a subject of fun."
But Professor Sylvia Walby from Lancaster Uni versity, who has carried out extensive research on domestic violence, says that women are still overwhelmingly the victims and suffer far more than men.
"Women are far more vulnerable because they do not have the same financial security as men and they are the ones who suffer more severe and far more sustained attacks."
Dr Malcolm George, an expert on the brain and human behaviour, says there is evidence that "husband abuse" dates back to Elizabethan times. Historical records that he has unearthed show that men who were beaten by their wives were publicly humiliated in a special ceremony called a "skimmington procession", named after the ladle used to skim milk during cheese making.
"No one disputes the fact that there is a group of men in society that are highly violent," says the retired lecturer in neuroscience at London University.
"But it's nothing new for women to be violent and aggressive- it's just society considers it a travesty of femininity for women to be violent so they get stereotyped as passive victims."
Claire Stewart is one of a growing number of women who are seeking professional help to manage their anger.
The nursing student, 37, from Leicester says she has head-butted Graham, a builder, tried to strangle him and thrown furniture at him. Their relationship has always been confrontational and at one point they split up. Mrs Stewart believes her problems stem from not coming to terms with the death of her father.
"Having spoken to professionals, I think the anger goes back to my dad dying when I was 11," says the mother-of-four, whose name has been changed to protect her identity. "I was brought up to believe that if you cry it's a sign of weakness. I am booked in to start cognitive behaviour therapy. I think in the end we will get through.
When the couple got back together, she says that she felther life had fallen apart. "Our relationship had always been a bit up and down but I thought it would stop when we got married," she says.
"When he came back I felt like he was laughing at me. I completely lost it. I went frantic, punching him in the head and body. I head-butted him and tried to strangle him. I only stopped because my eldest daughter came in and shouted at me to stop."
For centuries, women have been stereotyped as the passive victims of violence and aggression. Yet experts are now warning that record numbers of men are being physically abused by their stressed- out wives and girlfriends.
New figures show that the number of calls to domestic violence helplines from male victims has more than doubled over the past five years. And now one of the world's leading feminist journals will investigate the issue of male abuse for the first time in its history: the Psychology of Women Quarterly will devote a whole edition to research on violent women and their behaviour towards men.
Until now, domestic violence has been seen by police and ministers as an issue which blights the lives of women rather than men. Their policies are based on Home Office figures, which show that one in four women suffer abuse in the home compared with one in six men.
Incidents such as the arrest earlier this month of Rebekah Wade, the editor of The Sun, after an alleged assault on her husband, EastEnders actor Ross Kemp, are generally treated as trivial and a source of amusement by social watchers. However, experts say that although attacks by men are more common and extreme, there is increasing evidence that women are lashing out and adopting behaviour traditionally associated with men.
This trend is fuelled partly by an increase in binge-drinking and drug- taking among women as well as the pressure of juggling motherhood and career success.
ManKind, an organisation which campaigns for equal rights for men, receives more than a thousand calls a year to its helpline from male victims of domestic violence as well as from doctors worried about patients they suspect are being abused by their girlfriends and wives.
The charity Snap, which runs a gender-neutral helpline, says it receives up to 25 calls a day from battered men. There are only four places in the country which offer shelter to male victims of domestic violence, which men's rights campaigners say is not enough.
"The ones who are the perpetrators are in the caring professions - social workers, nurses, carers," said Anne Harris, a spokeswoman for Snap.
Research to be published next year will also show that more men report being victims of domestic abuse - and fewer women - in countries where there is greater gender equality. Based on an analysis of UN data on gender equality, the study by the University of Central Lancashire will show that more women carry out attacks on their male partners in Western nations such as Britain and the US compared with countries such as Pakistan.
Professor John Archer, an expert on both male and female aggression, who carried out the study, attracted huge controversy with a report five years ago showing that women were likely to lash out more frequently than men during rows. He says that battered men are treated as figures of fun by society and that policymakers must treat domestic abuse against both men and women with equal seriousness.
"There is a strong cultural ethos drummed into men from an early age that it's wrong to retaliate but these attitudes are not drummed into women," said Mr Archer, Professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. "The Rebecca Wade case was treated as a joke which typifies the differences in attitudes. The male victim is seen as a subject of fun."
But Professor Sylvia Walby from Lancaster Uni versity, who has carried out extensive research on domestic violence, says that women are still overwhelmingly the victims and suffer far more than men.
"Women are far more vulnerable because they do not have the same financial security as men and they are the ones who suffer more severe and far more sustained attacks."
Dr Malcolm George, an expert on the brain and human behaviour, says there is evidence that "husband abuse" dates back to Elizabethan times. Historical records that he has unearthed show that men who were beaten by their wives were publicly humiliated in a special ceremony called a "skimmington procession", named after the ladle used to skim milk during cheese making.
"No one disputes the fact that there is a group of men in society that are highly violent," says the retired lecturer in neuroscience at London University.
"But it's nothing new for women to be violent and aggressive- it's just society considers it a travesty of femininity for women to be violent so they get stereotyped as passive victims."
Claire Stewart is one of a growing number of women who are seeking professional help to manage their anger.
The nursing student, 37, from Leicester says she has head-butted Graham, a builder, tried to strangle him and thrown furniture at him. Their relationship has always been confrontational and at one point they split up. Mrs Stewart believes her problems stem from not coming to terms with the death of her father.
"Having spoken to professionals, I think the anger goes back to my dad dying when I was 11," says the mother-of-four, whose name has been changed to protect her identity. "I was brought up to believe that if you cry it's a sign of weakness. I am booked in to start cognitive behaviour therapy. I think in the end we will get through.
When the couple got back together, she says that she felther life had fallen apart. "Our relationship had always been a bit up and down but I thought it would stop when we got married," she says.
"When he came back I felt like he was laughing at me. I completely lost it. I went frantic, punching him in the head and body. I head-butted him and tried to strangle him. I only stopped because my eldest daughter came in and shouted at me to stop."

Comments:
Anonymous said...
UK GUY HAS READ THIS ARTICLE ON INTERNET.....

(KNOWS OF ANOTHER CASE WHERE ANOTHER LADY FROM INDIA HAD COMPLAINED TO THE POLICE ABOUT SIMILAR INCIDENT AND THEN THE POLICE WERE AFTER HER BODY.....NOW THAT LADY IS IN UK). SO GRADUALLY INDIA WILL HAVE MANY DISTURBED LADIES AND SINGLE PARENT CHILDREN. BIG PRICE TO PAY).

Dear Friends,

I am please to blog this on behalf of this 17 Yr Old College going Girl, She Writes

I being a 21st Century Girl doesn’t believe that India is a male dominated country because now-a-days abla’s are sabla’s I mean to say that today’s generation women always want to get something which is new branded and which also has a status symbol that too sitting at home without earning anything. This whole pressure comes on the poor husband who has to listen to his parents, to his in-law, to his boss to his children’s demand too. Irrespective of his demand he has to fulfill his family demand first.

If demand is not fulfilled by him then he has to listen to his wife’s taunts, his children’s frustration to face other problems too. Husbands also have only one person to whom they can talk i.e. to their wife, But dominating nature of wives make them more angry and violent due to which male remove their frustration in form of anger and violence. After that, the spouse or man’s better half do the propaganda of their so called plight without thinking about their husband’s mental status. Thus, adding fuel to fire. They do this with their sure shot and powerful weapon i.e. Tears. Some wives are so great that they directly go to the cops without thinking once about the consequences on their husbands and his family members, Due to which males like (Ram) have to suffer a lot.

This thought of mine can be explained with my personally witnessed experience some days back in my friend’s case. She was genuinely eve teased by some notorious guys in her neighborhood. Her father came to know about this incidence and he called the cops. The guys were taken to question by the police. But to my surprise the police did not even question us at all!!! They took us on face value and the guys were bashed royally by police. And we were not even questioned at all. I could sense the loop hole that I hear many elder married guys stuck in divorce who talks about it, like the one in my neighborhood. Before which I had no whiff about the whole thing.

I asked the police if we could leave and he understood my gesture on face. And he said to us that “You are like our daughters and we have now to be extra cautious about our image too, especially after the rape cases”

And that is where after the NC was lodged I could make out that men are really really vulnerable and women is actually dominating men using men (police) and law to the maximum of their advantage.

No doubt my friends’ grievance was genuine but the statement of the police and the treatment given to the accused at the face value of the whole matter made my conscience prick me to the extent of telling me that thank god I do not have a brother else he could have been victimized and would have been equally vulnerable to this attitude of the police.

“That keeps me pondering on the question that “Is India Really a Male Dominated Country???”


Sneha Kala.
XII Commerce, C-11.
Thakur College

5:51 PM
 
They used to say when you marry a lady, the 2 families also get married. The problems get sorted out by the 2 families. But remember now…..REMEMBER…..NRI guy and and others dont only marry an Indian lady from India but also marries the Indian police, who are the first ones to arrest you before you are found guilty. Why we blame the law? The law is there. The people who put the law in place are the ones to take the responsibility. So why marry an lady from India in the first place
 
Arre...yahin to dhokha kha gaya India..
 
FACTS IN SIMPLE ENGLISH

India is so divided as it is and such laws will only send females to some sector of the men population....eg men police, men lawyers, men judges. As per the law, men are not trusted it seems and most of the people handling the cases are men. This is the place where the same ladies will say yes sir and can end up doing whatever is said to them and will have to keep the mouth shut also, and later realise what real trouble can be.

Let all that happen and then when they don’t have any place to go to, then the lesson will be learnt…..is this what we want to happen to our sisters, wives and mothers? Don’t you think it will be too late by then? Meaning….. where will they complain when harassed by men police, men lawyers, and men judges? These guys may not be your husbands but they will still be men. Will they care for you more than your husbands? Will they truly care for you?

Lot needs to be done to have good population of men police, men lawyers, men judges etc before letting these women go to these men. I say this because men are not trusted as per the law. It is like a case where a woman law maker is sending a poor cow to a lion hoping that the lion is a vegetarian. Note for the law maker (specially the female law maker):- Please first sort out other problems before this creates more problems for the society.

NOW YOU MIGHT BE THINKING:- IS THIS IS WRITTEN BY A MAN OR A WOMAN? THIS IS WRITTEN BY A HUMAN BEING. UK.
 
FROM THIS 498A SECTION AND HOW IT WORKS, IT SEEMS THAT IT IS VERY VERY SAFE FOR AN INDIAN LADY FROM INDIA TO MARRY AN INDIAN POLICE-MAN, INDIAN MAN LAWYER, INDIAN MAN JUDGE. .....ARE THEY ALL PERFECT AND UNTOUCHABLE BY THE LAW???!!! AND IS THE REST OF THE MEN POPULATION UNTOUCHABLE BY THE WOMEN POPULATION???!!! UK PERSON.
 
Anonymous said...
I heard that many ladies from India go to Dubai and other rich cities and dance in front of guys and many go to the ones offering the most money to finish off the night.....and the same process starts the next night. All for money???!!! Go and check for yourself. Yes Indian ladies from India showing a lot of their body...I think you know what I mean. Go and check it for yourself.

And many of the other ladies misuse 498A penal code and other similar one sided laws existing in India to extract as much money as possible from guys in India and guys overseas. This is gradually becoming the Indian ladies' image...specially abroad...the whole truth!!! Nothing to be proud of.

If some of these lady law makers in India think that they have introduced something great by bringing in the one sided 498A penal code and DV law, then they have to realise that they have done nothing better than these other dancing ladies and the ladies who misuse the law. These laws make it easy for ladies to extract money from guys. The lady law makers have helped them.

All this is ruining the good name of Indian ladies and India in general. India is a very big supplying industry for basically everything on this planet. Now the country has a very big population with AIDS. Many people in India are losing the good teachings that the saints and sages gave to the country. Many Ravanas and Kansh around.

India.....WAKE UP before the bad law makers make these new laws to destroy the country. Here I am only talking about 498A and DV law. So ladies.....do a U Turn and do the duties well. Otherwise the next generation will include your own daughters on this path to disaster!!! And many of you will seem to be the modern day Ravanas and Kansh in India. If you are enjoying all this, then continue dancing in overseas clubs and make plenty of money by extracting money from guys after marrying them and then misusing these 498A type penal code laws. And be a supplying industry for sex also. So India gets a new logo name for the supplying industry for everything..."We supply you enjoy"

Message for the good ladies…..I am sorry to put it this way. It is as bad as this and so have done it this way. UK Guy...not born in India.

12:11 PM, March 31, 2007
 
http://suicidenoteofhusband.blogspot.com/
 
This is part of the comment already on internet (copied pasted):-

"Thousands of cases are rotting without trial for years under section 498a...False cases that have been filed against men AND WOMEN who are being tormented by the police and courts as we speak. And when all these victims of misuse of law get acquitted will those statistics be publicized to support the introduction of new laws that punish women who are abusing laws?

Apart from all the pain and suffering endured by victims the society incurs a huge cost because of false cases. Right now India is busy filling up lock-ups and courts with innocent citizens who could otherwise have spent their time to add to the productivity of the country. In addition, frivolous lawsuits that drag on for years distract attention from real crime that needs to be addressed immediately.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?