Married Scapegoats

Sequence Of Events In A 498A FIR

2010-01-10T08:31:00.001-08:00

From: shivaprasad rao <shivaprasadrao@in.com>

Sequence Of Events In A 498A FIR

Here are the steps:

This is 'Police Warrant' case i.e. instituted on police complaint (complaint given by 'Informant' i.e. wife in this case)

1] F.I.R.

2] Police Investigation (if at all takes place) & arrest without any necessity of warrant. In some States, D.C.P.'s permission is required for arrest.

3] Bail. Police asks for 'Police Custody' (called 'PC') for interrogation and recovery of articles (S.406 IPC). Accused submits custodial interrogation is not necessary etc. Then magistrate pass order for 'Judicial Custody' (called 'JC'). Then accused apply for 'bail', say from 'police prosecutor' (called 'pp') and Investigation Officer (called I/O) is asked by court who always strongly objects religiously and then on argument from accused counsel it is granted (or not granted, then go to session to High Court to Supreme Court, at some place it is given). Important fact is that 'bail' is always granted from 'JC' AND NOT FROM 'PC'. The process in legal fraternity is called breaking 'PC' to 'JC'.

4] Then no need to attend court. On filing charge sheet, police sends summons or make telephone call to attend court to receive charge sheet, till such time – no need to attend court. However a tab shall always be maintained on chargesheet as many times police/court dont send information to accused at the time of filing chargesheet, but it does not harm accused except that precious time is killed.

5] At the time of receiving chargesheet which is given free of cost to 'each' accused by 'pp' in court, sometime court asks accused whether they are guilty, normally accused say – not guilty. Check the charge sheet – it is also called 'Final Report' – there should be a table showing list of witnesses and documents – many times it is not given, tell court for any discrepancy in it.

6] Then dates, accused must attend them or take exemption u/s205 of Cr.P.C. (permanent till trial starts).

7] Firstly, charges are framed u/s240 Cr.P.C. (if discharge application not made u/s239 Cr.P.C.) when accused can oppose.

8] Then First witness – wife – PW1 – PP asks question to her based on her complaint to take FIR on court record. Then accused's counsel cross examine her.

9] Then her father (Pw-2), Mother (PW-3), Sister (PW-4) etc. whomsoever I/O has taken as witnesses and taken statements (which are given with chargesheet to accused).

10] Then I/O's examination-in-chief by PP and cross by accused's advocate (counsel).

11] With this, prosecution evidence closed. If accused has any witness, they can be called as defence witnesses (normally not called as they may by mistake say something against accused in cross examination). First accused's advocate will take examination-in-chief and then PP will take cross-examine (prosecutin and defence role changes).

12] Accused are examined by magistrate u/s313 Cr.P.C.

13] Then PP gives argument, then accused's advocate gives argument.

14] Enjoy – Now order – Acquittal/Sentencing.

15] Detailed written order is given after few days.

To get from point 1 to point 15, will take years. On the flip side, 498A conviction rates are very low, something like 2%. And then there is always the option to file appeals to the HC, SC and god if a conviction occurs.

Married Males Suicide Rate Higher Than Females

2009-12-18T10:44:00.000-08:00

Hollywood will wilt in shame, such is our girls "Hydraulic power!

2008-07-10T02:28:00.000-07:00

Forgot to quote the new about the planned Movie on 498a and Prashant's tryst with legal terrorism

Also see his exclusive video interview for SIF Times(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRQKk-SQeGI , there are 6 parts of 8 odd minutes each), we missed the big bang plans to go on ground with hard copies(lakhs of them) of this SIF times exclusive(since Mr.Thiagarajan was not agreeable to this with SIF times not yet registered)

But now with this movie in pipeline, I have my promotion/marketing neurons snapping crazy, we will make some good "Hay!" for the groups cause, soon , and hit the ground with SIF times, its going to be Prashant for sure - our lucky Mascot and ever so helpful well-wisher. Have to get SIF times registered this time around to be ready for this immediate promo blitzkreig opportunity.

Warm Regards,
Gokul

13b.
Re: Movie on 498a ........Indian express news
Posted by: "girish_sif"
Wed Jul 9, 2008 10:12 pm (PDT)
KOLLYWOOD - Father to make movie on sonACTOR Prashanth, after several years of running around family courts for his divorce, is finally ready to run around trees in some forthcoming Kollywood movies. But that is not all that he will be doing. His father, producer, director and actor Thiagarajan is all set to launch a movie on the agonizing experiences of his son, post his marriage to Grihalakshmi. Revealing exclusive details to Expresso, Thiagarajan said, "Prashanth has suffered immensely in all these years, being married to a girl who was already married and who was exploiting his situation for money. He has always been a well respected person in society but she made all sorts of false allegations against him. She wrongfully misused an act of the IPC to strengthen her case, being a woman. I want to make a movie on this, so that it may help others from falling into a similar situation." He explains further, "The Act 498 A of the IPC is for helping distressed women. It's a very powerful instrument that can put the family of the offending husband and in-laws in prison if they have committed any wrongdoing against a bride. This act was wrongfully exploited by Prashanth's wife Grihalakshmi and her family, in order to harass him and extract money . At one point they even demanded Rs 50 crore from us! The movie I am making on this subject, starring Prashanth, is already in the scripting stage. Let the world finally know the truth about an actor's life and the trauma he has been through." The dad's empathy with his son is clearly visible, especially since Prashanth entered into an arranged marriage. This is not all. Thiagarajan also has another project under his Lakshmi Shanti Movies banner. "I am remaking my old 1983 hit film Malaiyooru Mambattiyaan with Prashanth in the lead." The hunt for suitable actresses is on and Thiagarajan claims, "It will have to be some body established to play the female lead." With such caring family support all through and now a movie to be made on his life's most tumultuous period, it looks like the eversmiling Prashanth will soon have an on-screen catharsis that is certainly his due.

--- In saveindianfamily@ yahoogroups. com, "girish_sif" wrote:>> Film producer and Actor Thiagarajan , father of Actor Prasanth is > producing a fullfledged commercial movie on his sons Marital life and > the false dowry case filed against him.> The news has come on page 8 of Todays Indian Express chennai edition , > i am unable to get a link on the net.
----- Original Message -----
From: Gokul.P.R
Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2008 12:31 PM

Subject: Hollywood will wilt in shame, such is our girls "Hydraulic power!" Re: Can anyone help
Wow Kavi... what an irony of having a so-called evolved justice system, but only to be sabotaged by "tear power" - Hail "hydraulicity"... I should say, and definitely Hail wicked vixenry.
So the Jurors from among common people of Australia were short changed by mere dramatics of ur sreemati 498a, wow, what a flipside of evolved justice system, public participation and this transparency hogwash.

My dear jurors.........I didnt realise and still dont believe that killing my wife is a crime, should be ur next defence!... goddammit, pls think about this seriously!!!.

Anyway, jokes apart, I get reminded of a hollywood movie which basically ilustrates how a systematically planted "spin-doctor" among the jurors change the whole spin of the rest of jury(10 plus of them, getting influenced by one single planted juror, it was mind boggling to see the dynamics in play, just the oh-my-god kinda movie) by orchestrated albeit sublimal but incisively planned and calculated inputs into their minds.

Here the only difference is that the girl sweeped the floors just by the hydrolic power!(power of the fluid for her visual organs!). Hollywood will never know how simplicity can be so sure-shot in getting results, but reckon audience will still be as enthralled as I was seeing the original hollywood flick, if ur saga were to be filmed.

I suggest u give ur story idea to Mr.Thiagarajan who has now annouced the movie about 498a and Prashants(Tamil actor), u can see the news about this, quoted below. Iam anyway forwarding this idea to him and Prashant, I think this is a good story idea hands down.

As BNT hopes, I also do hope that u at least got ur money back!, leave justice to providence, nature is strong in its justice system!, no hydaulic power works to sabotage it, believe it.

regards
Gokul

--- In 498a4action@yahoogroups.com, "myidbnt" wrote:>> so at least it was established that its not her money. so at least > did you get the money back ? even if she was not convicted ?> >

--- In 498a4action@yahoogroups.com, Kavi Sammelan > wrote:> >> > > > Yes, it happened in Australia> > Â > > Basically, question of law becames irrelevant because the trial is > conductedÂ and> > decided by 12Â common people chosen randomly. Judge simply controls > the > > proceedings but does not decide.> > Â > > I do not think that there was corruption but it seems in Australia,> > laws allows for overlooking facts if motive cannot be established.> > It is not good enough if you only committed crime. You must know> > you are doing it and you are doing it incorrectly. > > Â > > My mom attended the entire hearing and claims that something changed> > on 3rd day after she cried a lot. The ex had given up on disputing > and was > > ready to face imprisonment. ex was openly defiant to judge and > others> > during pre-trials. I was not allowed to hear the trial or see any > of it.> > Â > > On 4th day, the ex changed gears and claimed that she was doing it> > with permission effectively aligning and presentign herself as a > > 12 year old girl who could not tell right from wrong. > > Â > > Although Public prosecutor did get her to admit that she was adult > > and would not have jumped off the building if I had asked or > permitted > > her to, somehow it all got buried in sand.> > Â > > Whatever little credibilty my case had was destroyed by her crying> > and very skillful wordwork by her lawyer.> > Â > > Police gotÂ ex to admit to withdrawing entire money within 48 hours > of theft.> > Police gotÂ ex to admit withdrawing it all in cash after my police > complaint > > and walking around with all that cash in city alone with it. > > Police gotÂ ex to admit that she hid cash for around 300 days and > > thwarted police questions by playing innocence.> > Â > > All she claimed repeatedly that she does not believe she was > stealing> > and that was it.> > Â > > To sum it up and compare the trial with a cricket game and I was > the key> > witness.> > Â > > I was asked to bat with a tree twig and no gloves, helmets and pads > > and face bowling with season bowl from a very expereinced pace > bowler.> > Â > > I did not do good batting and score any runs. Did not get bowled > out but > > did not make any score either. I kept ducking.> > Â > > Rest of team scored some but it was easily taken over.> > Â > > I cannot get over this feeling of losing and that is what I was > saying.> > I do not know ifÂ I am allowed to appeal or if I can even afford > it.> > Â > >

--- On Thu, 10/7/08, Gokul wrote:> > From: Gokul > > Subject: [498a4action] Re: Can anyone help> > To: 498a4action@yahoogroups.com> > Received: Thursday, 10 July, 2008, 9:22 AM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > This happened in Austalia, and just because ur wife did some smoke > > and mirror tricks citing undisclosed assets?.> > > > But how can we help. > > > > If u mean ideas to appeal, hmmmm you should assert that u never > > asked/authorised her to forge signatures(Anyway > > authorising/ contracting anything illegal is not tenable in court > of > > law!). Insist that you had disclosed/didn' t notice that u didnt > > disclosed the rabbit which popped out of the hat. Appeal on some > > grounds thats it, this time prepare better, harder.> > > > U really think the court was unjustified in aquitting her and that > > too without enough reasons, is it corruption/nepotism /favour-bank > > this shot happens everywhere, not just in India. In which case > expose > > the instances of thesetoo in your appeal.> > > > regards> > Gokul> > > > --- In 498a4action@ yahoogroups. com, Kavi Sammelan > > > wrote:> > >> > > > > > Hi> > > Ã‚Â > > > I feel like kicking myself all over the place.> > > Ã‚Â > > > As some of you may know, my ex-wife forged my signature to steal > > around 100K from our house and that broke the marriage, house , > blah > > blah > > > Ã‚Â > > > It took me real hard work for the trial against her to commence.> > > Ã‚Â > > > She came and lied in the court that she was forging my signatures > > all the time> > > and with my permission and I was trying to blackmail her. She > also > > quoted few> > > assets and values claiming that I had hidden them> > > Ã‚Â > > > I was taken aback and although I was not hiding anything, I > > faltered and stumbled.> > > Ã‚Â > > > She was acquited on all 3 counts and biggest let down is the > police > > who believed> > > in me for sometime.> > > Ã‚Â > > > Regards

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Reference2Inter-personal relationships:Avoid these Communication-Gaps/Mistakes

2006-11-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

Avoid these Communication Mistakes.... ......... ........

Paul Arden, former executive creative director, Saatchi & Saatchi, has a
mantra, 'It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be.'
Arden has clearly stated what ought to be any professional' s mantra.
We all have talents and strengths. We also have areas of weaknesses, and
one such area is poor inter-personal communication skills. This can be
detrimental to your career since these skills are important in any area
of life, but more so in the professional arena. They go a long way in
boosting job satisfaction, growth, promotion, network building,
relationship management, etc. It is, therefore, important to hone these
skills.

Here are some common communication problems and suggestions on how you
can tackle them.

Talking too fast: Problem: If people normally look a little lost or
confused when conversing with you, it would be a good idea to evaluate
the speed at which you speak. Saumil Doshi, 26, a consulting financial
analyst, speaks so fast that most of his clients lose out on
approximately 70 per cent of his conversation. Unfortunately, not many
people are able to trust fast talkers, especially fast talking financial
analysts.

Solution: Saumil recorded his speech on a dictaphone and listened to
himself in an effort to improve the way he spoke. He also used tongue
twisters to help clarify as well as slow down his speech. These
included:

~ The three things that those three thought are thoroughly trashy.

~ She sells seashells on the seashore.

~ We wash white vests very well and vouch for well-washed vests.

Talking too much:

Problem: Manish Parikh, 32, a store manager at Avanee Boutique, Mumbai,
is well read. He loves sharing his knowledge with everyone, including
his customers. Initially, they were impressed but, as time went by,
they got bored. Slowly, customers started avoiding him. His boss, the
storeowner, asked him to focus on running the store and not chatting up
customers to show off his knowledge.

Solution: Remember, nobody wants irrelevant information. At work, ask
yourself if what you are going to say will make sense or add any value
to what is being discussed. Then, and only then, go ahead and say it.
This one requires practice and discipline, as we all want to share our
knowledge and, of course, show off a bit at times.

Talking to boss/ client:

Problem: You are standing in front of your chairman at your company's
annual bash. When you are introduced to him, all you do is blurt out a
"How are you?" You have lost your chance to interact with him, and he
has moved ahead to greet other people. Do you tongue-tied when it comes
to speaking with/ before your seniors/ important clients? Solution:
Use a three-pronged approach to tackle this particular block:

~ If the situation permits, decide what you want to say in advance and
practise it a couple of times in front of the mirror. There are times
this may not be possible; you could then mentally imagine scenarios
where you are communicating successfully with your seniors.

~ Before going for the meeting, ensure all the supporting documents and
necessary stationery are with you.

~ Cultivate your confidence by knowing your self-worth (please don't go
to the other end of the spectrum and develop an ego). Build a rapport
with those people who share time or space with you. Get rid of your
shyness step-by-step and, before you know it, a throat block is history.

Negative body language:

Problem: Fidgeting, shuffling from one foot to the other, cracking your
knuckles, fiddling with accessories, scratching your head -- all these
take away from the impact of what you are saying.

Mamta Parikh, 28, PA to the technical director of KC and Sons (a
marketing company), had the habit of snapping her hairclip open and
closed. She never realised how distracting it was during meetings. One
day, her boss pointed this out and she made a conscious habit to stop.

Solution: Be aware of your body movements and language. The minute you
start fidgeting, make yourself stop. Curb irritating habits like tapping
feet, rocking squeaky chairs, humming, whistling and jostling. Again,
getting rid of these habits will take you time.

Mind your manners: Problem: Param L*, 22, a part-time sales person
with a leading bookstore, disliked the way his colleague would interrupt
him when he was helping a customer. Param finally spoke to his colleague
about his habit. Lucky for him, the latter changed his style of working.

Solution: It pays to be polite and aware of your bad habits. 'Please'
and 'Thank you' go a long way in building good relationships. Little
things like asking for permission before borrowing stationery and
helping a newly recruited colleague, etc, go a long way in cultivating
relationships.

So, what's stopping you from scaling that ladder? Go ahead, climb up to
dizzy heights and reach your own cloud nine.
We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make
mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while
in a rage will haunt us forever. Pause and ponder. Think before you
act. Be patient. Forgive & forget. Love one and all. If you
judge people, you have no time to love them". -- Mother Teresa
Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart
because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a
diamond while you were too busy collecting stones." Remember this
always in life.

HELPING A CHILD COPE WITH DIVORCE

2006-11-21T22:45:00.000-08:00

HELPING A CHILD COPE WITH DIVORCE

No step-by-step manual can give you a guarantee on how to raise kids
blissfully through divorce. Every situation - and every family - is
different. There are, however, some commonsense guidelines that may make
adjustment a little bit easier.

Here are some suggestions to make the process less painful for your
child. Parents will need to interpret them in their own ways; honesty,
sensitivity, self-control, and time itself will help to begin the
healing process. Be patient. Not everyone's timetable is your own.

Encourage your child to talk as openly as possible about his or her
feelings - positive or negative - about what has happened. Make that an
ongoing process.

It's important for divorcing - and already divorced - parents to sit
down with their children and encourage them to say what they're thinking
and feeling. But you'll need to keep this separate from your own
feelings. Most often, children experience a sense of loss of family and
may blame you or the other parent - or both - for what they perceive as
a betrayal. So, you'll really need to be prepared to answer questions
your child may raise or to address concerns he or she may have.

Make talking with your child about the divorce and how it's affecting
him or her an ongoing process. As children get older and become more
mature, they may have different questions or concerns that they hadn't
thought about previously. Even if it seems like you've gone over the
same topics before, keep the dialogue open.

If you feel like you get too upset to be of real help to your children,
ask someone else (a relative, maybe) if he or she can talk to your child
about it. Group programs for children of divorce, often run through
schools or faith-based organizations, are an excellent resource for
children going through this process.

It's natural for children to have many emotions about a divorce. They
may feel guilty and imagine that they "caused" the problem. This is
particularly true if they heard their parents argue about them at one
time. Kids may feel angry or frightened. They may be worried that they
will be abandoned by or "divorced from" their parents.

Some children will be able to voice their feelings, but depending on
their age and development, others just won't have the words. They may
instead "act out" in angry ways or be depressed. For school-age kids,
this is usually evident when their grades start to drop or when they
begin to develop a lack of interest in activities. For younger children,
feelings often are expressed in play, as well.

Many kids see a drop in grades and reduced participation in outside
activities in the months prior to and the year after a separation.
Although children may struggle with a divorce for quite some time, the
real impact of divorce is usually felt over about a 2-year period.

It may be tempting to tell a child not to feel a certain way, but avoid
that temptation. Children (and adults, for that matter) have a right to
their feelings. If it seems that you're trying to force a "happy face,"
your child may be less likely to share his or her feelings with you.

Don't bad-mouth your ex-spouse in front of your child, even if you're
still angry or feuding.

This is one of the hardest things to do. But it's important not to say
bad things about your ex. It's equally important to acknowledge real
events. If, for example, one spouse has simply abandoned the family by
moving out, you need to acknowledge that that has happened. It isn't
your responsibility to explain the ex-spouse's behavior - let him or her
do that when he or she is with your child.

Try not to use your child as a messenger or go-between, especially when
you're feuding.

A child doesn't need to feel that he or she must act as a messenger
between hostile parents or carry one adult's secrets or accusations
about another. Wherever possible, communicate directly with the other
parent about matters relevant to your child, such as scheduling,
visitation, health habits, or school problems.

Expect resistance and difficulties in helping your child adjust to a new
mate or the mate's children.

New relationships, blended families, and remarriages are among the most
difficult aspects of the divorce process. Of course, a new, blended
family doesn't eliminate the impact of divorce. The research is quite
clear that children in these new families continue to experience
problems similar to those who remain with a single parent. So, it's
important to assure children that they still have a mother and father
who care for them.

Also, help your child to blend into a new family structure. The initial
role of a stepparent is that of another caring adult, whom your child
needs to respect as a responsible adult. You can't expect your child to
accept a stepparent as another parent right away, though - that will
take time.

Seek support groups, friendships, and counseling. Single parents need
all the help they can get.

Support from clergy, friends, relatives, and groups such as Parents
Without Partners can help you and your child adjust to separation and
divorce. It often helps kids to meet others who've developed successful
relationships with separated parents - children can often help and
confide in each other, and adults need special support through these
trying times.

Whenever possible, kids should be encouraged to have as positive an
outlook on both parents as they can. Even under the best of
circumstances, separation and divorce can be painful and disappointing
for many children. And, of course, it's emotionally difficult for the
parents, too. So it's understandable that, despite their best
intentions, some parents might broadcast their pain and anger.

But parents who can foster a positive adjustment and good times, even
during difficult circumstances, will go a long way toward helping their
kids - and themselves - adapt and move on.

Divorce is stressful for parents and children alike. Although children's
emotional reactions usually depend on their age at the time of the
divorce, many children experience feelings of sadness, anger, and
anxiety - and it's not uncommon for these feelings to be expressed in
their behavior. Often, the child's emotional reaction can be quite
different than the parent's, and it's important to understand these
differences. For example, a parent may feel a sense of relief that a
difficult period is coming to some resolution, whereas the child may
feel a sense of loss.

Fortunately, there are things you can do to help your child during a
divorce. By minimizing the stress the situation creates and responding
openly and honestly to your child's concerns, you can help your child
through this difficult time.

TELLING YOUR CHILD ABOUT DIVORCE

As soon as you're certain of your plans, talk to your child about your
decision to divorce. Although there's no easy way to break the news,
both parents should be present when a child is told, and feelings of
anger, guilt, or blame should be left out of the conversation. At best,
this is a difficult message to communicate, but if you handle it
sensitively, you can help make it less painful for your child.

Although the discussion about divorce should be tailored to your child's
age and development, all children should receive the same basic message:
"Mommy and Daddy used to love each other and were happy, but now we're
not happy and have decided we'd be happier apart. What happened occurred
between us, but we will always be your parents and we will always be
there to love and take care of you."

It's important to emphasize that your child is in no way to blame for
the breakup and that the unhappiness is not related to him or her.
Children tend to blame themselves for the failure of their parents'
marriages, and they need to be reminded frequently that it is not their
fault. Finally, your child may question whether your love for him or her
is temporary (because it was with your spouse); reassure your child that
even though you're getting a divorce, you love him or her permanently
and unconditionally.

When it comes to answering questions about your divorce, it's important
to give kids enough information so that they're prepared for the
upcoming changes in their lives but not so much that it frightens them.
Try to keep your feelings neutral and answer your child's questions in
an age-appropriate way and as truthfully as possible. Remember that kids
don't need to know all the details; they just need to know enough to
understand clearly that although divorce means separating from a spouse,
it doesn't mean parents are divorcing their kids.

Not all children react the same way when told their parents are
divorcing. Some ask questions, some cry, and some have no initial
response at all. For kids who seem upset when you break the news, it's
important for parents to let them know that they recognize and care
about their feelings and to reassure them that it's OK to cry.

For example, you might say, "I know this is upsetting for you, and I can
understand why," or "We both love you and are so sorry that our problems
are causing you to feel this way." If your child doesn't have an
emotional reaction right away, let him or her know that there will be
other times to talk.

MOST CHILDREN ARE CONCERNED WITH HOW THE DIVORCE WILL AFFECT THEM:

Who will I live with?

Will I move?

Where will Mommy live or where will Daddy live?

Will I go to a new school?

Will I still get to see my friends?

Can I still go to camp this summer?

Be honest when addressing your child's concerns and remind him or her
that the family will get through this, even though it may take some
time.

REDUCING YOUR CHILD'S STRESS

Divorce brings with it a lot of changes and a very real sense of loss.
Kids - and parents - grieve the loss of the kind of family they had
hoped for, and children especially grieve the loss of the presence of a
parent. That's why some kids - even after the finality of divorce has
been explained to them - still hold out hope that their parents will
someday get back together. Mourning the loss of a family is normal, but
over time both you and your child will come to some sort of acceptance
of the changed circumstances.

So, how can you decrease the stress your child feels over the changes
brought on by divorce? Mainly by learning to respond to his or her
expressions of emotion. Here are some ways divorcing parents can help
their children:

Invite conversation. Children need to know that their feelings are
important to their parents and that they'll be taken seriously.

Help them put their feelings into words. Children's behavior can often
clue you in to their feelings of sadness or anger. Let them voice their
emotions and help them to label them, without trying to change their
emotions or explain them away. You might say: "It seems as if you're
feeling sad right now. Do you know what's making you feel so sad?" Be a
good listener when they respond, even if it's hard for you to hear.

Legitimize their feelings. Saying things like, "No wonder you feel sad"
or "I know it feels like the hurt may never go away, but it will" lets
kids know that their feelings are valid. It's important to encourage
children to get it all out before you start offering ways to make it
better.

Offer support. Ask, "What do you think will help you feel better?" They
might not be able to name something, but you can suggest a few ideas -
maybe just to sit together for a while, take a walk, or hold a favorite
stuffed animal. Younger kids might especially appreciate an offer to
call Daddy on the phone or to make a picture to give to Mommy when she
comes at the end of the day.

Expect that your child's adjustment could take a while. Some emotional
and behavioral reactions to the stress of divorce last for months or
even a year. Some may be much more temporary, lasting only until the
situation stabilizes and a child's routine can be re-established.

It's also important to remember that these responses do not necessarily
indicate permanent problems. Much of the time, kids' emotional concerns
following divorce are temporary if handled with sensitivity. But
sometimes, children have a longer response. Being attentive to the signs
your child sends about his or her feelings can help you to help your
child cope with them.

REACTIONS TO STRESS

Below are some signals that represent a child's reaction to stress at
various ages:

BABIES AND TODDLERS

Children this age require consistency and routine and are comforted by
familiarity. They may be distressed by unpredictable schedules, too many
transitions, or abrupt separations.

Signals that an infant is feeling distressed include increased amounts
of fussiness or crying and changes in eating or sleeping habits. Babies
and toddlers are also sensitive to separations. They may show signs of
separation anxiety through withdrawn, distressed, or clingy behavior.

PRESCHOOLERS AND KINDERGARTNERS

Kids this age need consistent caregiving. But as children develop
long-term memory and language skills, they become more self-reliant.

Signals that a child in this age group is under stress include continued
worries about separation and regression to earlier behaviors, such as
thumb sucking, bedwetting, and problems sleeping through the night.

Fussiness and anger at you or your spouse may also occur. A child may
cry frequently, engage in power struggles, regress to "baby" behaviors,
and have tantrums.

SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN

Between 6 and 8 years, children need individual time with each parent to
continue being reassured that they're loved. Fairness becomes an
important issue; your child may want to be sure both you and your spouse
get the same amount of time with him or her. Children this age are also
interested in issues such as who is to blame or who is at fault.

If your child expresses hope of reuniting your family, make sure he or
she spends time with both of you separately to help cement the reality
of the situation. Children do, however, maintain this hope of
reunification for years. Although parents need to acknowledge their
kids' hopes and how they're feeling, they also need to remind them of
the reality of the situation.

Your child's feelings of unhappiness may be expressed as sadness, anger,
or aggression. He or she may have problems with friendships or in
school. Or, stress may take the form of physical problems, such as upset
stomachs or headaches.

PRETEENS

Between 9 and 12, children become more involved with activities apart
from their parents. When divorced parents reside close to one another,
equal time-sharing may work, but preteens may need different schedules
to accommodate their changing priorities. School, community interests,
and friendships become more important for children in this age range,
but the impact of family remains critical.

Your child may refuse to share time with you and your spouse equally and
may try to take sides. Expect this behavior and don't take it personally
when it occurs. Maintain the visitation schedule, and emphasize the
involvement of both parents in your child's life.

Warning signs for this age group include peer difficulties, loneliness,
depression, anger, or physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches
and learning problems.

Role reversals - when kids feel compelled to support or care for an
emotionally distraught parent at their own emotional expense - can also
arise. This is not a healthy situation for the child. Parents who
recognize role reversal in their family need to find ways to get
emotional support for themselves and relieve the burden from their
child.

TEENS
During the early teen years, kids need consistent support from both
parents, but may not accept equal time-sharing of their living
arrangements because it may interrupt their school and social lives. Be
prepared for your child's thoughts on time-sharing.

Kids sometimes propose spending an entire summer, semester, or school
year with the noncustodial parent. But this may not reflect that they
want to move. In the early teens, kids do have a good sense of time and
a realization that adult life is approaching. Often, a child will spend
a year with the other parent and then return home. They view this as a
chance to spend a lot of time with the parent they've missed. Listen to
and explore these options if they're brought up.

Whatever arrangements are made, make a schedule and stick to it.
Adolescents may externalize blame for the divorce to one or both parents
and may become controlling by demanding to stay in one place or to
switch residences constantly.

As teens get older, they become more focused on social and school
activities, as well as establishing their independence; so they may
become less interested in their parents' problems. But your teen still
needs your support. Even though parents often get the impression that
their input isn't important to adolescents, it is. Stay involved in your
child's life and interests. Talking frequently with your teen is
helpful.

And although teens may want to see their parents happy, children of any
age may have mixed feelings about seeing their parents dating other
people. They may feel that condoning parental dating would be disloyal
to the other parent, but they may be happy that their parent has found
someone new.

Depression, moodiness, acting out, poor performance in school, use of
alcohol or other drugs, sexual activity, or chronic oppositional
behavior can all signal that a teen is having trouble. Older teens may
have behavior problems, exhibit depression, show poor school
performance, run away from home, or get into trouble with the law.
Regardless of whether such troubles are related to the divorce, they are
serious problems that affect a teen's well-being and indicate the need
for outside help.

FIGHTING IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD

Although the occasional argument between parents is reasonable and even
expected in a healthy family, living in a battleground of continual
hostility and unresolved conflict can place a heavy psychological burden
on your child. Traumatic events like screaming, fighting, arguing, or
violence can make children fearful and apprehensive. Unable to deal with
these fears, your child may become emotionally upset, controlling, or
withdrawn.

Witnessing your hostility also presents an inappropriate behavioral
model for your child, who's still learning how to deal with his or her
own impulses. Children's long-term adjustment to divorce is highly
related to ongoing hostility between parents. Kids whose parents
maintain anger and hostility are much more likely to have continued
emotional and behavioral difficulties.

Talking with a mediator or divorce counselor can help divorcing couples
air their grievances and hurt to each other in a way that doesn't cause
harm to the children. Though it may be difficult, working together in
this way will spare your child the harm caused by continued bitterness
and anger.

ADJUSTING TO A NEW LIVING SITUATION

Because divorce can be such a big change in your child's life,
adjustments in living arrangements should be handled gradually.

There are several types of living situations to consider:

one parent (either you or your spouse) may have custody you may have
joint custody (in which both you and your spouse share in the legal
decisions about your child, but your child lives primarily with one of
you and visits the other) shared joint custody (in which decisions are
shared and so is physical custody) It's becoming increasingly common
for parents who live close by to share custody of their child. There's
no simple solution to this. Although some children can thrive spending
half their time with each parent, others seem to need the stability of
having one "home" and visiting with the other parent.

Whatever arrangement you choose, your child's needs should always come
first. Avoid getting involved in a tug of war as a way to win over your
former spouse. When deciding how to handle holidays, birthdays, and
vacations, stay focused on what's best for your child.

AFTER THE DIVORCE

It's important to maintain as much normalcy as possible after a divorce
by keeping regular routines, including meal routines, rules of behavior,
and methods of discipline. Relaxing limits, especially during a time of
change, tends to make children insecure. Resist the urge to drop
routines and spoil a child who's grieving over a divorce. The only way a
child should be spoiled is with unconditional love.

Parents should also work hard to keep their parental roles in place.
Your child, no matter how much he or she tries to understand, is still a
child. If you confide in your child, he or she may have difficulty
relating to the other parent. This means not blaming the other parent or
putting your child in the middle of an adult situation that he or she
doesn't have the maturity to handle.

Consistency in routine and discipline across the households is
important. Similar expectations regarding bedtimes, rules, and homework
will reduce anxiety and give your child the message that you and your
ex-spouse are working together and can't be manipulated.

Don't be ashamed to ask for professional help. Divorce is a major life
crisis for a family. But if you and your former spouse can work
together, you can continue to be good parents to your child.

HERE ARE SOME OTHER RECOMMENDATIONS TO KEEP IN MIND.

Get help dealing with your own painful feelings about the divorce. If
you're able to make a healthy adjustment, your child will be more likely
to do so, too. Also, getting needed emotional support and being able to
air your feelings and thoughts with an adult will lessen the possibility
of your child shouldering the unfair burden of your emotional concerns.
This may include trusted friends or family members or a therapist.

Be patient with yourself and with your child. Emotional concerns, loss,
and hurt following divorce take time to heal and often happen in phases.
That's healthy.

Resist the temptation to make up for the child's loss with material
things, food treats, or special privileges. Emotional hurt is best
healed with care and support from loved ones, not things.

Recognize the signals of stress for your child's age. Consult your
child's doctor or a child therapist for guidance on how to handle
specific problems you're concerned about.

Many of the elements that help children thrive and be emotionally
healthy in an intact family are the same ones that help children thrive
and be emotionally healthy members of a divorced family. With good
support, children can and do successfully make the adjustment to
divorce.

SEPERATION ANXIETY

Unfortunately, teary and tantrum-filled goodbyes are a very common part
of a child's earliest years. Around the first birthday, it is common for
kids to develop separation anxiety, getting upset when a parent tries to
leave them with someone else. Though separation anxiety is a perfectly
normal part of childhood development, it can be unsettling.
Understanding what your child is going through and having a few coping
strategies in mind can go a long way toward helping both of you get
through it.

HOW SEPARATION ANXIETY DEVELOPS

The timing of separation anxiety can vary widely from child to child.
Some kids may experience it later. Some may never experience it. And for
others, there are certain life stresses that can trigger feelings of
anxiety about being separated from a parent ( a new child care situation
or caregiver, a new sibling, moving to a new place, or tension at home)

How long does separation anxiety last? It varies from child to child.
And it also depends on the child and how the parent responds. In some
cases, depending on a child's temperament, separation anxiety can be
persistent from infancy and last through the elementary school years. In
cases where the separation anxiety interferes with an older child's
normal activities, it can be the sign of a deeper anxiety disorder. In
cases where the separation anxiety appears out of the blue in an older
child, it can be an indication of another problem that the child may be
dealing with, like bullying or abuse.

Keep in mind that separation anxiety is usually different from the
normal feelings an older child has when he or she doesn't want a parent
to leave. In those cases, the distress can usually be overcome if the
child is distracted enough, and those feelings will not re-emerge until
the parent returns and the child remembers that the parent left.

And your child does understand the effect his or her behavior has on
you. If you come running back into the room every time your child cries
and then stay with your child longer or cancel your plans completely,
your child will continue to use this strategy to avoid separation.

WHAT YOU MAY BE FEELING

During this stage, you're likely to experience a host of different
emotions. It may be gratifying to feel that your child is finally as
attached to you as you are to him or her. At the same time, you're
likely to feel guilty about taking time out for yourself, leaving your
child with a caregiver, or going to work. And you may start to feel
overwhelmed by the amount of attention your child seems to need from
you.

Try to keep in mind that your child's unwillingness to leave you is a
good sign that healthy attachments have developed between the two of
you. Eventually your child will be able to remember that you always
return after you leave, and these memories will be enough to comfort him
or her while you are gone. This also gives your child a chance to
develop his or her own coping skills and a little independence.

MAKING GOODBYES EASIER

There are a number of strategies you can use to help ease your child
(and yourself) through this difficult period.

Timing is everything. Try not to start day care or child care with an
unfamiliar person between the ages of 8 months and 1 year, when
separation anxiety is first likely to present itself. Also, try not to
leave your child when he or she is likely to be tired, hungry, or
restless. If at all possible, schedule your departures for after naps
and mealtimes.

Practice. Practice being apart from each other, and introduce new people
and places gradually. Be calm and consistent. Create a goodbye ritual
during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and
show confidence in your child. Reassure him or her that you'll be back -
and explain how long it will be until you return using concepts your
child will understand (such as after lunch) because your child can't yet
understand time. Give him or her your full attention when you say
goodbye, and when you say you're leaving, mean it; coming back will only
make things worse.

Follow through on promises. It's important to make sure that you return
when you have promised to return. This is critical, and there can be no
exceptions. This is the only way your child will develop the confidence
that he or she can make it through this time.

As hard as it may be to leave your child while he or she is screaming
and crying for you, it's important to have confidence that your ex
spouse can handle it. It may help both of you if you set up a time that
you will call to check in, maybe 15 to 20 minutes after you leave. By
that time, most kids have calmed down are playing with other things.
Don't let yourself give in early and call sooner!

Try to keep sight of the fact that this phase, like many others, will
pass. If your child has never been cared for by anyone but you, is
naturally shy, or has other stresses, such as a new sibling or a health
condition, then it may be worse than it is for other kids. Most kids
eventually outgrow it.

Kids with separation anxiety disorder fear being lost from their family
members and are often convinced that something bad will happen when
they're apart.

If intense separation anxiety lasts into preschool, elementary school,
or beyond and interferes with your daily activities, it's a good idea to
discuss this with your child's doctor. It may be a sign of a more rare
but more serious condition known as separation anxiety disorder.

panic symptoms (such as nausea, vomiting, or shortness of breath) or
panic attacks before a parent leaves

nightmares about separation

fear of sleeping alone

excessive worry about being lost or kidnapped or going places without a
parent

For most kids, the anxiety of being separated from a parent passes
without any need for medical attention. But if you have concerns, talk
to your child's doctor.

Sooner or later, many families face the prospect of moving. Disruptive
as moving can be for parents, the experience can be even more traumatic
for children, who may not be a part of the decision to move and may not
understand it.

Your child may need some time and special attention during the
transition. There are some steps you can take to make the entire process
less stressful for your entire family.

MAKING THE DECISION TO MOVE

Many kids thrive on familiarity and routine. So as you consider a move,
weigh the possible benefits of such a change against your child's need
for surroundings, a school, and social life to which he or she is
accustomed.

If your family has recently dealt with a major life change, such as
divorce you may want to postpone a move if possible, to give your child
a chance to adjust.

The decision to move may be out of your hands, due to a job transfer or
financial issues. Even if you're not happy about the move, try to
maintain a positive attitude about it with your child. During times of
transition, a parent's moods and attitudes can heavily affect the kids,
who may be looking for reassurance.

DISCUSSING THE MOVE WITH YOUR CHILD

No matter what the circumstances, the most important way you can prepare
your child is to talk about it early and often.

It's a good idea to give your child as much information about the move
as soon as possible. Answer your child's questions completely and
truthfully, and be receptive to both positive and negative reactions.
Even if the move means a clear improvement in family life, your child
may not understand that, and he or she may be focused on the frightening
aspects of the change.

Involve your child in the planning process as much as possible. If your
child feels like a participant in the house-hunting process or the
search for a new school, the change may feel less like it is being
forced on him or her.

If you are moving across town, you may want to take your child to visit
the new house (or see it being built) and explore the new neighborhood.
If distance prevents this, provide as much information as you can about
the new home, city, and state (or country).

Learn about where your child can do any favorite activities in the new
location. A relative or friend may be able to take pictures of the new
house and your child's new school. A real estate agent may even be
willing to do this.

MOVING WITH BABIES, TODDLERS, AND PRESCHOOLERS

Children who are under the age of 6 may be the easiest to move, as they
have a limited capacity to understand the change the move will involve.
Still, your guidance is crucial. Here are some steps you can take that
may ease the transition for your child:

Ø Keep explanations clear and simple.

Ø Use a story to explain the move, or use toy trucks and
furniture to act it out.

Ø When you pack your toddler's toys in boxes, make sure to
explain that you aren't throwing them away.

Ø If your new home is nearby and vacant, take your child there
to visit before the move and take a few toys over each time.

Ø Hold off on getting rid of your child's old bedroom furniture,
which may provide a sense of comfort to your child in the new house.

Ø Avoid making other big changes during the move, like toilet
training or advancing a toddler to a bed from a crib.

Ø Arrange for your toddler or preschooler to stay with a
babysitter on moving day.

MOVING WITH SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN

A child in elementary school may be relatively open to the change of a
move. But your child will still need serious consideration and your help
throughout the transition.

To avoid any glitches that would add stress to your child, it's a good
idea to gather any information the new school will need to process the
transfer. That may include the most recent report card or transcript,
birth certificate, or medical records.

MOVING WITH TEENS

It is not uncommon for teens to actively rebel against a move. Your teen
has probably invested considerable energy in a particular social group
and may be involved in a romantic relationship. Your family's move may
mean that your teen has to miss a long-awaited event, like a prom.

It is particularly important to let your teen known that you want to
hear about any concerns and that you respect those concerns. Blanket
assurances may seem to your teen like you are dismissing his or her
feelings. It may help to explain to your teen that the move is a type of
rehearsal for future changes, like college or a new job.

You may want to begin planning a trip back to the neighborhood after the
move, if that's possible.

If your teen remains strongly resistant to the move, you might want to
consider letting him or her stay in the old location with a friend or
relative, if you have the option. This may be particularly helpful if
you are moving midway through the school year.

AFTER MOVING DAY

After the move, it's a good idea to get your child's room in order
before turning your attention to the rest of the house. Also, try to
maintain your regular schedule for meals and bedtime to provide a sense
of familiarity for your child.

When your child does start school, you may want to go along to meet as
many teachers as possible or ask to introduce your child to the
principal.

Set realistic expectations about your child's transition. Generally,
teachers expect new kids to feel somewhat comfortable in their classes
in about 6 weeks. Some kids may take less time, whereas some may need
more.

After the move, if you are still concerned about your child's
transition, a family therapist may be able to provide some helpful
guidance.

A move can present many challenges, but many good things can also come
from this kind of change. Your family may grow closer, and you may learn
more about your child by going through this experience together.

DR. PRATIBHA SAMUEL

HYPNOTHERAPIST, COUNSELLOR

Indo-Asian News Publishes Article on Misuse of 498a

2006-07-24T23:41:00.000-07:00

After much communication from SIF members, the publishers who earlier published about Domestic Abuse, now publishes the other side of the coin: Misuse of Anti-Harassment, Cruetly and Dowry Laws(IPC 498a and Dowry Prohibition Laws Section 3&4) by unscrupulous and Vengeful Wives.

Read On..............

NRI grooms tortured and fleeced by Indian brides(SPECIAL)(original post)

By Kul Bhushan

After a year of his marriage in 2003, Jatinder who married Seema (names changed) returned to India from California at his wife's nagging, unaware that he was landing into deep trouble. At his in-laws' house, he was drugged, threatened at gunpoint, imprisoned illegally for weeks, forced to pay $60,000 and forced to apply for visas for the rest of Seema's family, according to his complaint with US immigration authorities. After his family in the US informed FBI in New Delhi and Delhi Police, he was freed.

How an Indian bride cheated and harassed New York's renowned Ambati family has set a new, low standard for rotten NRI marriages. Well known for their social and community service with donations in thousands of dollars, the Ambati family was harassed by their daughter-in-law, Archana, just four months after her marriage in 1995. Archana accused her husband, Dr. Jayakrishna Ambati, and his family of demanding Rs.50,000 ($1,200) in dowry and mental and physical abuse, right on the day they were due to be honoured with a major award during a visit to Andhra Pradesh.

Instead of the celebration, they were taken into custody under section 498 A of the Indian Penal Code. Dragging for four years, the case reached the Supreme Court. In 1996, the court dismissed all charges, but Archana appealed. During the trial, the Ambatis produced an audiotape in which Archana's father, Nanda, demanded US $500,000 to drop all the charges.

Although the prosecution opposed this evidence, the court in February 1999 admitted this evidence. Archana then wrote to the ministers for Home Affairs and Law & Parliamentary Affairs that she was 'unconditionally withdrawing' all charges against the Ambati family.

The Ambatis paid a high price as they were separated for three years, and eminent physician Dr. B. Ambati, Jayakrishna Ambati's brother, lost two years of his professional career in addition to financial losses and mental trauma.

These are just two of thousands of cases of NRI grooms who are cheated, defrauded, hounded and extorted by Indian brides who manipulate the highly biased dowry laws of India. Conniving Indian brides who make false complaints under IPC 498A, torture not just the grooms but also their parents, siblings and the extended families.

The coy Indian bride, the proverbial Sita/Savitri, has undergone a sinister makeover. The educated girl gets married to an unsuspecting NRI groom for reasons other than holy matrimony. The 'underground' reasons for marriage include: supporting her family in India by transferring large sums of money from her husband's earnings; nagging her husband for obtaining a Green Card or immigration to the rich countries for her parents or siblings, filing a divorce in the new country as soon as possible to settle down on her own or with her boyfriend, claiming huge sums of money by filing false dowry harassment charges, among others.

Filing a non-bailable dowry case under IPC 498A is easier than ordering a meal. But while a restaurant can refuse service, the police normally arrest the groom and the in-laws. While the Indian media is flooded with reports of dowry-related bride torture, it hardly mentions the horrific cases of suffering husbands at the hands of cunning wives.

After matters reached a critical stage, a police unit for the grievances of the husbands was formed, but it is far short of the response required. Thus many vocal groups of so-called 498A Victims have been formed over the Internet with websites, blogs and web groups to highlight their horror stories, lists of victims and help and advice for men in this dire situation.

NRI husbands are at a further disadvantage in this scenario. A travel warning on 'Dowry/Visa Demands' by the US Department of State at http://travel.state.gov warns: 'A number of U.S.-citizen men who have come to India to marry Indian nationals have been arrested and charged with crimes related to dowry extraction. Many of the charges stem from the U.S. citizen's inability to provide an immigrant visa for his prospective spouse to travel immediately to the United States.

'The courts sometimes order the U.S. citizen to pay large sums of money to his spouse in exchange for the dismissal of charges. The courts normally confiscate the American's passport, and he must remain in India until the case has been settled.' Sometimes, the parents are also kept in jail. And the cases drag on, and on in courts. The complicated Indian administrative machinery is greased by bribes and NRIs are not adept at this game.

A Ministry of Overseas Indians booklet warning about NRI husbands defrauding their newly-wedded wives queered the pitch against NRIs, resulting in a vitriolic response as it paints all NRIs in a very negative manner. An article about this problem in this column had a similar reaction from scores of NRIs and the 498A victims.

NRI marriage dreams can turn into nightmares - both for wives and husbands.

(A media consultant to a UN Agency, Kul Bhushan previously worked abroad as a newspaper editor and has travelled to over 55 countries. He lives in New Delhi and can be contacted at: kulbhushan2038@gmail.com)

Copyright Indo-Asian News Service

Warm Regards

P.R.Gokul
http://gokul.go.to , http://cruiserdeep.blogspot.com/
, Chat IDs 1)Yahoo: gokul_p_r@yahoo.com 2) drmura@hotmail.com
Tele/Fax : +91 22 25614188(Bombay, Res), +91 9821414336
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IS 498A IPC A BALANCED LAW?

2006-06-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

IS 498A IPC A BALANCED LAW?

Right to life and liberty of every citizen is guaranteed under
Article 21 of the Constitution of India. But this life and liberty
can be curtailed if they hinder others' life and liberty. For that
due process of law is necessary. Due process includes reasonable
force. The net purpose of due process, therefore, is to restore
equilibrium when there is imbalance in any locus of the society.
While civil law determines what is right and what is wrong, the
criminal law imposes penalty to deter.

Section 498A was inserted in The Indian Penal Code in 1984
with a view to protect women against dowry harassment. From the very
beginning of this law there is reaction from the society including
legal luminaries that this law could be misused and there would be
severe deleterious effect in the society. But before going to its
deleterious effect let us consider if the volume of complaints have
gone down as may be seen in The Crime in India statistics. The
volume is continuously going up which means that there is no
deterrence effect of section 498A of IPC. This is now 2006. This
very fact itself needs that the law is to be amended to curb the
rising graph.

Coming to the judicial observations and remarks we find that
continuously their lordships are showing anguish over the law. Here
are some recent judicial observations.

Way back in 1990 Punjab and Haryana High court observed in
Jasbir Kaur vs. State of Haryana, (1990)2 Rec Cri R 243 case as:

"It is known that an estranged wife will go to any extent to rope in
as many relatives of the husband as possible in a desperate effort
to salvage whatever remains of an estranged marriage."

In Kanaraj vs. State of Punjab,2000 CriLJ 2993 the apex
court observed as:

"for the fault of the husband the in-laws or other relatives cannot
in all cases be held to be involved. The acts attributed to such
persons have to be proved beyond reasonable doubt and they cannot be
held responsible by mere conjectures and implications. The tendency
to rope in relations of the husband as accused has to be curbed"

In the case of State Vs. Srikanth, 2002 CriLJ 3605 te
Karnataka High Court observed as:

"Roping in of the whole of the family including brothers and sister-
in-laws has to be depreciated unless there is a specific material
against these persons, it is down right on the part of the police to
include the whole of the family as accused."

In Mohd. Hoshan vs. State of A.P. 2002 CriLJ 4124 case the
Apex Court observed as:

"Whether one spouse has been guilt of cruelty to the other is
essentially a question of fact. The impact of complaints, accusation
or taunts on a person amounting to cruelty depends on various
factors like the sensitivity of the victim concerned, the social
background, the environment, education etc. Further, mental cruelty
varies from person to person depending on the intensity of the
sensitivity, degree of courage and endurance to withstand such
cruelty. Each case has to be decided on its own facts whether mental
cruelty is made out."

Delhi High Court in Savitri Devi vs. Ramesh Chand, 2003 CriLJ
2759 case observed as;

"These provisions were though made with good intentions but the
implementation has left a very bad taste and the move has been
counter productive. There is a growing tendency amongst the women
which is further perpetuated by their parents and relatives to rope
in each and every relative including minors and even school going
kids nearer or distant relatives and in some cases against every
person of the family of the husband whether living away or in other
town or abroad and married, unmarried sisters, sisters- in-laws,
unmarried brothers, married uncles and in some cases grand parents
or as many as 10 o 15 or even more relatives of the husbsnd."

Punjab and haryana High Court in Bhupinder Kaur and others vs.
State of Punjab and others, 2003 CriLJ 3394 case observed as:

" From the reading of the FIR, it is evident that there is no
specific allegation of any act against petitioners Nos.2 and 3,which
constitute offence under s.498-A I.P.C. I am satisfied that these
two persons have been falsely implicated in the present case, who
were minors at the time of marriage and even at the time of lodging
the present FIR. Neither of these two persons was alleged to have
been entrusted with any dowry article nor they alleged to have ever
demanded any dowry article. No specific allegation of demand of
dowry, harassment and beating given to the complainant by the two
accused has been made. The allegations made are vague and general.
Moreover, it cannot be ignored that every member of the family of
the husband has been implicated in the case. The initiation of
criminal proceedings against them in the present case is clearly an
abuse f the process of law."

Jharkhand High Court in Arjun Ram Vs. State of Jharkhand and
another, 2004 CriLJ 2989 case observed as:
"In the instant case, it appears that that the criminal case has
been filed,which is manifestly intended with mala fide and ulterior
motive for wreaking vengeance on the accused and with a view to
spite him due to private and personal grudge. In this connection
reliance may be placed upon AIR 1992 SC 604: (1992CriLJ 527)."

And in a relatively recent case, Sushil Kumar Sharma vs. Union
of India and others,JT 2005(6) SC 266 observed as:

"The object of the provision is prevention of the dowry menace.
But as has been rightly contented by the petitioner many instances
have
come to light where the complaints are not bonafide and have been
filed with oblique motive. In such cases acquittal of the accused
does not in
all cases wipe out the ignomy suffered during and prior to trial.
Sometimes adverse media coverage adds to the misery. The question,
therefore,
is what remedial measures can be taken to prevent abuse of the well-
intentioned provision. Merely because the provision is
constitutional and
intra vires, does not give a licence to unscrupulous persons to
wreck personal vendetta or unleash harassment. It may, therefore,
become
necessary for the legislature to find out ways how the makers of
frivolous complaints or allegations can be appropriately dealt with.
Till then the
Courts have to take care of the situation within the existing frame
work. As noted above the object is to strike at the roots of dowry
menace.
But by misuse of the provision a new legal terrorism can be
unleashed. The provision is intended to be used a shield and not an
assassin's
weapon. If cry of "wolf" is made too often as a prank assistance and
protection may not be available when the actual "wolf" appears.
There is no
question of investigating agency and Courts casually dealing with
the allegations. They cannot follow any straitjacket formula in the
matters
relating to dowry tortures, deaths and cruelty. It cannot be lost
sight of that ultimate objective of every legal system is to arrive
at truth,
punish the guilty and protect the innocent. There is no scope for
any pre-conceived notion or view. It is strenuously argued by the
petitioner
that the investigating agencies and the courts start with the
presumptions that the accused persons are guilty and that the
complainant is
speaking the truth. This is too wide available and generalized
statement. Certain statutory presumptions are drawn which again are
rebuttable. It
is to be noted that the role of the investigating agencies and the
courts is that of watch dog and not of a bloodhound. It should be
their
effort to see that an innocent person is not made to suffer on
account of unfounded, baseless and malicious allegations. It is
equally
undisputable that in many cases no direct evidence is available and
the courts have to act on circumstantial evidence. While dealing
with such cases,
the law laid down relating to circumstantial evidence has to be kept
in view."

These are only a few observations of their lordships from
scores which conclusively prove that:

1. A woman (not necessarily every woman) can be much more cruel
than a man (not necessarily ever man).
2. While intending to protect the life of a person, s.498A of
IPC jeopardizes around a dozen innocent persons no matter whether
they are children or old. Hence, the provision is discriminatory and
violative of Article 14 of the Constitution of India.
3. Instead of restoring equilibrium, the provision aggravates
disequilibria. Hence, it is not only imbalanced but also there is a
failure of guarantee of right to life under Article 21 of the
constitution of India.
4. For the reasons stated under conclusions 3 and 4 above the
provision is not only imbalanced but also ultravires.

Because of these maladies the provision needs to be amended at the
earliest to protect the life and liberty of lacs of innocent people
including children and old. Prior to that the learned and honorable
courts may consider imposition of heavy penalty as done in case of
vexatious PILs. Such PILs are only vexatious but in the matter of
498A the cases may be false, malafide, malicious and revengeful.

Courtsey: Posted originally by Jogeshwarmahanta in SIF yahoo group.

Post in Google Groups about Lethality & un-accountability of 498a

2006-01-12T22:43:00.000-08:00

State sponsored terrorism by INDIA

Only 1 message in topic - view as tree
498A - Abuse by India and its women
Jan 11, 5:50 am show options

From: "498A - Abuse by India and its women" - Find messages by this author
Date: Wed, 11 Jan 2006 00:50:30 -0000
Local: Wed, Jan 11 2006 5:50 am
Subject: State sponsored terrorism by INDIA
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IPC 498A (a.k.a. Dowry Act) enacted by INDIAn parliament is nothing but
a state sponsored terrorism against men of the world (and their friends
and relatives living in India) using their internal social issues.

Why it is a state sponsored terrorism by INDIA -

As per IPC 498A -

1. Women can file a complaint without any evidence and her complaint is
treated as evidence
2. All accused are guilty as alleged by an Indian woman - It is a
criminal offense
3. Accused have to prove their innocence including false accusations of
mental cruelty
4. Police can not refuse to accept a complaint filed by a Indian woman
and they have to register a complaint against all the accused (Indian
women have named octogenarians and toddlers as perpetrating mental
cruelty to them - I wonder what happened to all those brilliant Indian
shrinks or Indian mental asylums to treat these Indian women)
5. Police have to arrest all the accused - irrespective of the logic or
evidence behind the complaint or irrespective of all evidence contrary
to the complaint filed by Indian woman
6. It is non bailable until the case is resolved
7. I have never seen Indian courts punish a Indian woman for filing
wrongful complaints including perjury (it is a pathetic system to say
the least), and there is no compensation of any kind - not in this life
as per Indian courts and Indian state - for financial damages, pain and
suffering.

Now let us talk about Indian Judiciary -
1. If you are visiting India, your passport will be impounded, and in
rare cases they will give you the passport after asking you to pay
exorbitant amounts (could be more than $50,000 - $100,000 and there are
cases of asking more than $500,000) in the name of 'hapless' Indian
woman victim! The beneficiary of those amounts is that hapless Indian
Woman!
2. It is one of the MOST corrupt machinery (the denizens of that place
call it - INDIA) that you can ever find on the face of the earth - it
goes from court personnel, public prosecutors, lawyers who formed
rackets to file false 498A cases solely to make money, corrupt judges,
women's organizations who want to get a portion of the loot, etc.
3. Do not expect logic (reasoning based on fairness, facts, even their
own laws, etc.) to work with judges, police, etc.

Now let us talk about Indian Police -

1. They are also one of the key perpetrators of this terrorism. They
literally will beat you up without charges or reasoning, will and can
put you in custody for weeks without ever giving you water or food, and
can even 'kill you' under any pretext if you question them why they are
doing what they are doing !!!
2. They will definitely insult you and your parents/relatives/friends,
even a language lunatic on profanity cannot match the incessant
profanity of INDIAN police.
3. They are the ones who threaten with dire consequences unless you
grease their palms with loads of cash and continue to do so as long as
the 498A case drags in the court.

Everyone - your lawyers, public prosecutors, judges, police, women's
organizations, politicians, will be interested in extracting as much
cash as they can by truly prolonging the case. What is the average
period for such a case to be dismissed - after you have spent cash
worth earnings (not savings) of multiple generations on all the things
that surround 498A and have paid to the 'victim' an insanely
astronomical amount - "8 - 10 years".

It is a racket perpetrated by INDIA.

What works is - money, money, money and more money.

They are just after your money - current savings, savings from your
forefathers and friends, and all of your future earnings (as you will
be bankrupt for the rest of your life repaying all those loans).

Ways to stop this Indian state sponsored terrorism -

1. Do not go near any Indian Woman.
You do not have to be married to get into this nightmare. Indian
woman can claim you have promised to get married her and you are in
big trouble.
One of the Judges of Indian court system has ruled that (so there
is a precedent for any male to get into trouble without ever getting
married to a Indian woman) it could be treated as if you are married to
a female to put in a 498A nightmare if a Indian woman claims so!!!
What a fair Judge of INDIA!!! There are plenty of such judges
(remember INDIA is expert on human production and not in fair laws and
judgments) if you look at their judgments and reasoning (even Indian
supreme court has woefully ridiculous and unfair rulings and continue
to have those).
Remember Indian woman are excluded from perjury, penalizations for
wrongful claims, etc. HOLY COW - that is what they are!!!

2. Do not employ any Indian men as you could be putting your company in
jeopardy especially on a critical project.
These men will focus all their energies in getting rid of the
cruelty meted out to their friends/relatives by 498A.
Remember Indian woman can name any one in her complaint - including
friends and relatives either living in India or outside India. People
who are earning higher than the INDIAN national per capita income (i.e.
$530 in Yr 2003) are potential targets for this state sponsored
terrorism.

3. Do not have any investments in INDIA.
Again, you are playing with fire when it comes to the fairness of
INDIA as a whole. Do not cry later after your house is burned by INDIA
(through 498A and other such stupid acts and institutions) and their
holy women. Consider you are fore warned.

4. Do not visit India in your life.
Remember you do not have to be Indian or married to a Indian
woman to get arrested, imprisoned, tortured, subject your friends and
relatives to both direct (through courts) and indirect (police,
lawyers, etc.) extortion.

5. Do not fall for any Indian baits - such as - we treat guests as Gods
(Athidi devo bavaha - in Sanskrit).
They lock their gods in temples as they embellish their idols with
gold and jewelry. India knows their people well enough to lock the
idols up. You will be their next demi god to be locked up (and
tortured) until you let go off all your wealth. As per Indian
philosophy and INDIAN government/state/judiciary/legislature you are a
liberated soul if they can separate you from all your worldly
possessions. They definitely want all of them from you, have no doubt
about it in a million years.
INDIA is a thief.

6. If you do not like 'enslavement' (I do not like it either) then you
should avoid INDIA altogether as INDIAn state sponsors enslavement. So
avoid INDIA.
You thought INDIA lets you off so easily. In making sure INDIA is
really getting your pound of flesh for the rest of your natural life,
the extortion through 498A is so high, that you will be working all
your life just to pay off the debts you would accumulate during your
498A case. That is why it is a state sponsored enslavement.

7. INDIA uses its 'sham democracy and women' to get money.
INDIA uses women to demand money (to feed its police, judges,
lawyers, women's organizations, women, politicians) from hard working
AND honest people who unknowingly fall for the 498A trap enacted by
INDIA. INDIA or its women never have the courage or character to repay
these victims of 498A.
What do you call those people who use women to make money? I cannot
spell it here but you know what it is called - INDIA is exactly that.
What do you call those who terrorize all men (around the world
whenever they can lay their hands on them through 498A) but sanctify
their actions (as democracy in in-action) through ignorant / nonchalant
voters? - answer is INDIA.

I like a democracy where basic rights are given to all humans such
as equality - irrespective of sex, age, religion, handicap, disease,
race; due process to all, fairness and equality to all, punish only
after establishment of guilt and not before, integrity of police,
checks and balances for legislature, checks and balances for judiciary,
etc.
INDIA has none of the above. Some one tells you otherwise they are
either lying through their teeth or they think you are an idiot to fall
victim to their charades.

Watch out for the truth - that matters most in daily life - about real
INDIA based on true stories in up coming articles.

True INDIA is hardly what it paints to the world about itself.

Anyone who wishes to share true stories connected with 498A and the
real INDIA, please share it with everyone and us.

- Originallyy submitted by Mohan S
Midwest USA

Is India Really a Male Dominated Country ???

2005-12-27T09:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

I am please to blog this on behalf of this 17 Yr Old College going Girl, She Writes

I being a 21st Century Girl doesn’t believe that India is a male dominated country because now-a-days abla’s are sabla’s I mean to say that today’s generation women always want to get something which is new branded and which also has a status symbol that too sitting at home without earning anything. This whole pressure comes on the poor husband who has to listen to his parents, to his in-law, to his boss to his children’s demand too. Irrespective of his demand he has to fulfill his family demand first.

If demand is not fulfilled by him then he has to listen to his wife’s taunts, his children’s frustration to face other problems too. Husbands also have only one person to whom they can talk i.e. to their wife, But dominating nature of wives make them more angry and violent due to which male remove their frustration in form of anger and violence. After that, the spouse or man’s better half do the propaganda of their so called plight without thinking about their husband’s mental status. Thus, adding fuel to fire. They do this with their sure shot and powerful weapon i.e. Tears. Some wives are so great that they directly go to the cops without thinking once about the consequences on their husbands and his family members, Due to which males like (Ram) have to suffer a lot.

This thought of mine can be explained with my personally witnessed experience some days back in my friend’s case. She was genuinely eve teased by some notorious guys in her neighborhood. Her father came to know about this incidence and he called the cops. The guys were taken to question by the police. But to my surprise the police did not even question us at all!!! They took us on face value and the guys were bashed royally by police. And we were not even questioned at all. I could sense the loop hole that I hear many elder married guys stuck in divorce who talks about it, like the one in my neighborhood. Before which I had no whiff about the whole thing.

I asked the police if we could leave and he understood my gesture on face. And he said to us that “You are like our daughters and we have now to be extra cautious about our image too, especially after the rape cases”

And that is where after the NC was lodged I could make out that men are really really vulnerable and women is actually dominating men using men (police) and law to the maximum of their advantage.

No doubt my friends’ grievance was genuine but the statement of the police and the treatment given to the accused at the face value of the whole matter made my conscience prick me to the extent of telling me that thank god I do not have a brother else he could have been victimized and would have been equally vulnerable to this attitude of the police.

“That keeps me pondering on the question that “Is India Really a Male Dominated Country???”

Sneha Kala.

XII Commerce, C-11.

Thakur College

Remembering Manjunath (Machan to his friends...)

2005-11-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

Remembering Manjunath (Machan to his friends...)

Another victim, this time with a dreadful and quick end. The only difference is that Manjunath succumbed in face of moneyminded Oil Lobby, a 498a victim smoulders in the legal turmoil for infinity(or so it seems), draining his resources and soul until such time our legal system finds it ok to acquit the accused(which is the result in majority of cases) after a wasteful litigation which drags for 5 years or more.

'I went frantic, punching him'

2005-11-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

Record numbers of men are being hit by their stressed-out wives and girlfriends
'I went frantic, punching him'
By Sophie Goodchild, Chief Reporter
Published: 13 November 2005
For centuries, women have been stereotyped as the passive victims of violence and aggression. Yet experts are now warning that record numbers of men are being physically abused by their stressed- out wives and girlfriends.
New figures show that the number of calls to domestic violence helplines from male victims has more than doubled over the past five years. And now one of the world's leading feminist journals will investigate the issue of male abuse for the first time in its history: the Psychology of Women Quarterly will devote a whole edition to research on violent women and their behaviour towards men.
Until now, domestic violence has been seen by police and ministers as an issue which blights the lives of women rather than men. Their policies are based on Home Office figures, which show that one in four women suffer abuse in the home compared with one in six men.
Incidents such as the arrest earlier this month of Rebekah Wade, the editor of The Sun, after an alleged assault on her husband, EastEnders actor Ross Kemp, are generally treated as trivial and a source of amusement by social watchers. However, experts say that although attacks by men are more common and extreme, there is increasing evidence that women are lashing out and adopting behaviour traditionally associated with men.
This trend is fuelled partly by an increase in binge-drinking and drug- taking among women as well as the pressure of juggling motherhood and career success.
ManKind, an organisation which campaigns for equal rights for men, receives more than a thousand calls a year to its helpline from male victims of domestic violence as well as from doctors worried about patients they suspect are being abused by their girlfriends and wives.
The charity Snap, which runs a gender-neutral helpline, says it receives up to 25 calls a day from battered men. There are only four places in the country which offer shelter to male victims of domestic violence, which men's rights campaigners say is not enough.
"The ones who are the perpetrators are in the caring professions - social workers, nurses, carers," said Anne Harris, a spokeswoman for Snap.
Research to be published next year will also show that more men report being victims of domestic abuse - and fewer women - in countries where there is greater gender equality. Based on an analysis of UN data on gender equality, the study by the University of Central Lancashire will show that more women carry out attacks on their male partners in Western nations such as Britain and the US compared with countries such as Pakistan.
Professor John Archer, an expert on both male and female aggression, who carried out the study, attracted huge controversy with a report five years ago showing that women were likely to lash out more frequently than men during rows. He says that battered men are treated as figures of fun by society and that policymakers must treat domestic abuse against both men and women with equal seriousness.
"There is a strong cultural ethos drummed into men from an early age that it's wrong to retaliate but these attitudes are not drummed into women," said Mr Archer, Professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. "The Rebecca Wade case was treated as a joke which typifies the differences in attitudes. The male victim is seen as a subject of fun."
But Professor Sylvia Walby from Lancaster Uni versity, who has carried out extensive research on domestic violence, says that women are still overwhelmingly the victims and suffer far more than men.
"Women are far more vulnerable because they do not have the same financial security as men and they are the ones who suffer more severe and far more sustained attacks."
Dr Malcolm George, an expert on the brain and human behaviour, says there is evidence that "husband abuse" dates back to Elizabethan times. Historical records that he has unearthed show that men who were beaten by their wives were publicly humiliated in a special ceremony called a "skimmington procession", named after the ladle used to skim milk during cheese making.
"No one disputes the fact that there is a group of men in society that are highly violent," says the retired lecturer in neuroscience at London University.
"But it's nothing new for women to be violent and aggressive- it's just society considers it a travesty of femininity for women to be violent so they get stereotyped as passive victims."
Claire Stewart is one of a growing number of women who are seeking professional help to manage their anger.
The nursing student, 37, from Leicester says she has head-butted Graham, a builder, tried to strangle him and thrown furniture at him. Their relationship has always been confrontational and at one point they split up. Mrs Stewart believes her problems stem from not coming to terms with the death of her father.
"Having spoken to professionals, I think the anger goes back to my dad dying when I was 11," says the mother-of-four, whose name has been changed to protect her identity. "I was brought up to believe that if you cry it's a sign of weakness. I am booked in to start cognitive behaviour therapy. I think in the end we will get through.
When the couple got back together, she says that she felther life had fallen apart. "Our relationship had always been a bit up and down but I thought it would stop when we got married," she says.
"When he came back I felt like he was laughing at me. I completely lost it. I went frantic, punching him in the head and body. I head-butted him and tried to strangle him. I only stopped because my eldest daughter came in and shouted at me to stop."
For centuries, women have been stereotyped as the passive victims of violence and aggression. Yet experts are now warning that record numbers of men are being physically abused by their stressed- out wives and girlfriends.
New figures show that the number of calls to domestic violence helplines from male victims has more than doubled over the past five years. And now one of the world's leading feminist journals will investigate the issue of male abuse for the first time in its history: the Psychology of Women Quarterly will devote a whole edition to research on violent women and their behaviour towards men.
Until now, domestic violence has been seen by police and ministers as an issue which blights the lives of women rather than men. Their policies are based on Home Office figures, which show that one in four women suffer abuse in the home compared with one in six men.
Incidents such as the arrest earlier this month of Rebekah Wade, the editor of The Sun, after an alleged assault on her husband, EastEnders actor Ross Kemp, are generally treated as trivial and a source of amusement by social watchers. However, experts say that although attacks by men are more common and extreme, there is increasing evidence that women are lashing out and adopting behaviour traditionally associated with men.
This trend is fuelled partly by an increase in binge-drinking and drug- taking among women as well as the pressure of juggling motherhood and career success.
ManKind, an organisation which campaigns for equal rights for men, receives more than a thousand calls a year to its helpline from male victims of domestic violence as well as from doctors worried about patients they suspect are being abused by their girlfriends and wives.
The charity Snap, which runs a gender-neutral helpline, says it receives up to 25 calls a day from battered men. There are only four places in the country which offer shelter to male victims of domestic violence, which men's rights campaigners say is not enough.
"The ones who are the perpetrators are in the caring professions - social workers, nurses, carers," said Anne Harris, a spokeswoman for Snap.
Research to be published next year will also show that more men report being victims of domestic abuse - and fewer women - in countries where there is greater gender equality. Based on an analysis of UN data on gender equality, the study by the University of Central Lancashire will show that more women carry out attacks on their male partners in Western nations such as Britain and the US compared with countries such as Pakistan.
Professor John Archer, an expert on both male and female aggression, who carried out the study, attracted huge controversy with a report five years ago showing that women were likely to lash out more frequently than men during rows. He says that battered men are treated as figures of fun by society and that policymakers must treat domestic abuse against both men and women with equal seriousness.
"There is a strong cultural ethos drummed into men from an early age that it's wrong to retaliate but these attitudes are not drummed into women," said Mr Archer, Professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. "The Rebecca Wade case was treated as a joke which typifies the differences in attitudes. The male victim is seen as a subject of fun."
But Professor Sylvia Walby from Lancaster Uni versity, who has carried out extensive research on domestic violence, says that women are still overwhelmingly the victims and suffer far more than men.
"Women are far more vulnerable because they do not have the same financial security as men and they are the ones who suffer more severe and far more sustained attacks."
Dr Malcolm George, an expert on the brain and human behaviour, says there is evidence that "husband abuse" dates back to Elizabethan times. Historical records that he has unearthed show that men who were beaten by their wives were publicly humiliated in a special ceremony called a "skimmington procession", named after the ladle used to skim milk during cheese making.
"No one disputes the fact that there is a group of men in society that are highly violent," says the retired lecturer in neuroscience at London University.
"But it's nothing new for women to be violent and aggressive- it's just society considers it a travesty of femininity for women to be violent so they get stereotyped as passive victims."
Claire Stewart is one of a growing number of women who are seeking professional help to manage their anger.
The nursing student, 37, from Leicester says she has head-butted Graham, a builder, tried to strangle him and thrown furniture at him. Their relationship has always been confrontational and at one point they split up. Mrs Stewart believes her problems stem from not coming to terms with the death of her father.
"Having spoken to professionals, I think the anger goes back to my dad dying when I was 11," says the mother-of-four, whose name has been changed to protect her identity. "I was brought up to believe that if you cry it's a sign of weakness. I am booked in to start cognitive behaviour therapy. I think in the end we will get through.
When the couple got back together, she says that she felther life had fallen apart. "Our relationship had always been a bit up and down but I thought it would stop when we got married," she says.
"When he came back I felt like he was laughing at me. I completely lost it. I went frantic, punching him in the head and body. I head-butted him and tried to strangle him. I only stopped because my eldest daughter came in and shouted at me to stop."

The Hidden Majority

2005-10-15T00:06:00.000-07:00

While we talk mostly about the guys and his family who are targeted with false charges of Harassment of Cruelty towards Wife, we do not hear much about the guys who are smouldering in chronic oppression. This category is the majority, they never reach the levels of 498a false charges, but they do not live like humans too.

We have a lot of examples around us, men who do not protest because they have kids who they do not want to suffer, because they thought that situation will improve and slowly get immune to outright oppression and inhumane behaviour. See: http://odsblog.blogspot.com/2005/06/forum-of-oppressed-husbands-forms.html

The Story of Married Victims

2005-10-11T22:48:00.000-07:00

A group of families who have been victimised by the women user friendly law Section 498A will speak up on this blog.

Jinesh Zaveri.